Your chances of sex with Nicki Minaj
Playing Youtube rap videos as background music while working from home is a terrible idea. The mind wanders, from the task at hand, to the video girls. A little work here, more video girls there. And so on. Each time you force your attention back to the work your illusions get shattered with one thought - you don’t have a shot in hell at having sex with a woman like Nicki Minaj. (I know you’re not a video girl, Nicki.)
Sure, you can drive up to the ghetto mall in town, or simply the mall, and stare. Put on a hopeful face that some lady will vibe on how you're standing there staring with such an agreeable face. Don't set your sights so low though, because here's the thing ...
Your chances of sex with Nicki Minaj aren’t zero.
I’ll stop and say I don’t find Nicki Minaj notably sexy, just in case you don’t either. That’s not the point. The point is I’d slam it. If she let me. And we’ll talk about how that’s more likely than you think.
We’ll work through an honest appraisal of my chances of having sex with Nicki Minaj today. On scale of 1 being unlikely and 10 being pretty likely what are my chances today? Watch how closely they mimic your own chances.
Let’s see -
- I’ll be running errands today. To start Nicki Minaj is certainly not inside my apartment. Getting outside will help. +1 point.
- I’m in an age group she’d enjoy. +1 point.
- I’m wearing a new pair of shoes. +3 points.
(I’ll stop again to say if you’re a straight woman reading this switch out Nicki Minaj with Shaquille O'Neal and we’ll be fine.)
- My apartment isn’t clean enough to impress a visitor. This is huge, it will cause you to subconsciously sabotage a chance to close. - 6 points.
- She probably doesn’t want to see where I live anyway. +4 points.
- My diet/health has improved this year. +3 points.
- I’ve put it on the table. +15 points.
That last one is the biggie. So how about it? I’m talking to the reader, not you Nicki. You’re just here to bring home the idea.